watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
