i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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