Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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