my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
