I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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