Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
