WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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