I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
