So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
