Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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