there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
