Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
