i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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