I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
