i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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