my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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