Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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