With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
