i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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