All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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