Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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