She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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