I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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