someone get that fucking seahorse.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
my poor anus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
