So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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