i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
