When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
