So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
