So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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