I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
