wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
do herpes really smell.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
