Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
