we have officially lost it.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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