he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
