So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
