i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
