I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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