Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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