I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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