i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
