he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
