We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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