New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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