so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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