Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
