I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
