Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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