my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
