when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
