I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
